I woke up one morning after a terrible night’s sleep, slightly hungover from the bottle of red I drank that night before. I was dreading the commute into work, dreading the meetings ahead, dreading my commute home.
I didn’t feel like I could take a day off without a reason because I believed with every fiber of my being that things would slow down, stop, or fall apart without me. At home and at work.
I fantasized about getting into a minor accident where no one got hurt, but that would require me to take the day off to get the car fixed. I’m not a good liar, so I needed my reason to take a day off to be real.
I was exhausted, burned out, just trying to survive my days to make it to the weekend or my next vacation is it was the time of year where weekends off didn’t exist. I usually ended my day with a bottle of wine to numb out, which resulted in 2am panic attacks. I suffered from daily headaches and frequent migraines.
And yet, I kept going.
Most people had any idea of how I was feeling. I was suffering but not sure why. Stuck on the hamster wheel, I committed to the people, places, and things that I thought were essential to a happy life. The more I achieved, the emptier I felt.
An imbalance in our dual energies can lead to burn out, frustration, anxiety, and an inability to handle failure/loss or process negative emotions. Right, wrong, or indifferent, our society encourages and promotes an imbalance in these energies unknowingly.
What are our dual energies?
First, let’s start with the basics. We are all made of energy. The computer, the desk. The wall. We’re all just energy waves moving at different frequencies that create different densities and patterns. I won’t get too quantum on you, so I’ll bring it back to my 9th grade physical science teacher, Mr. Bowen.
I still remember Mr. Bowen knocking on the desk and explaining it was simply energy vibrating so slowly that it looks and feels like a solid. The slower the vibration, the denser it becomes. Mind blown.
That’s why you’ll also hear people say that talking about negative, heavy topics is “low vibe” and talking about happy, joyful, light topics as “high vibe.” People are the same way in that we are all vibrating energy.
Each of us have what is known as masculine and feminine energies within us. They have nothing to do with gender, and I bet these terms will evolve soon. For our purposes, let’s talk about the masculine energy as our “doing” energy and our feminine energy as our “being” energy.
There are also different energy centers and systems in the body that you may have heard of, such as the chakra system and the meridians. We’ll just be talking about the being and doing energy today.
Our “doing” energy is logical, analytical, and productive. It is the side of you that wants to compete, to problem solve, to push forward, to strive for bigger, better, faster, more.
It’s the side that rationalizes what is happening and puts together the pros and cons list. It is the part of you that wants to crunch numbers, do research, and make data-driven decisions. It is organized and strategic. Our “doing” energy is considered “giving” because it is an output of our energy. It is associated with fire. It is also known as Yang.
Having too much “doing” energy can lead to burn out, anger, and frustration. You may be a workaholic. You may self-sabotage your work, so you have another obstacle to overcome. You may cause issues in an otherwise healthy relationship, so you have a problem to solve. Most of your decision making is based on logic and data analysis. You may be uncomfortable expressing and dealing with emotions. It can also make you anxious when things are going “too smoothly”, just waiting for the “other shoe to drop” as they say.
Our “being” energy is intuitive and empathetic. It’s passionate, emotional, and sensual. Feminine energy is “going with the flow” and allowing. It is compassionate, gentle, and nurturing. It is the space that allows for creativity, inspiration, and innovation. Feminine energy is receiving and associated with water. It is also known as Yin.
Having too much feminine “being” energy can cause you to be an emotional mess and you can end up living your life for others, leading to bitterness and feelings of being taken for granted. With an imbalance, you tend to be an extreme empath, taking on and drowning in other people’s emotions. Your need for solitude to manage your emotions can lead to a loss of friends and the growing feeling of abandonment.
Having too much feminine energy can cause you to sacrifice your needs for the needs of others to make them feel loved, supported, and accepted. It can also lead to assumptions and making up stories in your head about a person and a situation because you don’t want to rock the boat by asking for clarification.
Why does this happen?
Our western society values logic, data, and producing over intuition, emotions, and creativity, so it favors and encourages us to be more in our “doing” energy. Most of us have been conditioned and programmed to be in our “doing” energy, creating an unhealthy imbalance that has left many feeling burned out, unfulfilled, and just trying to survive the day.
With more people working from home than ever, so many feel like they should be chained to their computers, phone, and email 24/7 since they no longer have the commute and are so much more accessible.
Women, more so than men, have even higher levels of imbalance because they feel a heavier responsibility to be the caretakers are work and at home. Right, wrong, or indifferent, women feel the need to and are often expected to run the household in addition to their day job.
Stay at home parents are just as imbalanced. They are making sure the house is clean and organized, making sure the kids bathed, fed, and where they need to be, doing what they need to be doing. They often have dinner on the table when their partner gets home, and then also does the clean-up while their partner relaxes from their day of work. Not realizing that the stay-at-home partner may not get a break from their day until they go to bed.
You yourself don’t feel like you can ask your partner for more help because they are stressed out. You can’t ask the kids for help because they have had a hard year and you don’t want to put more on their already full plates. You can’t ask your team at work for help because they are already overloaded. So, you just keep taking on more and more. Until you can’t anymore.
You too are stressed. You too have had a hard year. You too are already overloaded. You too need support.
We can’t dance to the song of life when we’re out of balance.
I’m not sure who said this originally (nor did google), but someone said something to the effect of, “Life isn’t about ‘do, do, do’. Nor ‘be, be, be’. Life is a dance of ‘do, be, do, be, do.”
Balancing your dual energies can lead to a can experiencing more ease, joy, and fulfillment at work and at home.
It can create more wholeness, emotional harmony, mental clarity, create the space to access your inner wisdom, and allow you to be more present in your relationships and in your work.
Having balanced energies makes you more resilient to the inevitable bumps in the road, makes decision making easier, and navigating life smoother.
Balanced “doing” energy can help you solve complex problems and move mountains to accomplish great things. It is your ability for curiosity, learning, and adventure.
There are several ways to balance your “doing” energy in the short-term.
To harness the power of your “doing” energy, you can take a class, start a new hobby, or learn something new. The key is to do something that is in alignment with your heart and soul. Not just another thing for you to do, or you’ll exasperate the imbalance.
If your imbalance already causes you to do too much, make conscious choices to “be” more. You can delegate tasks, chores, or projects. Being ok if it doesn’t go the way you wanted it to go. There are many ways to get to the same goal.
Balanced “being” energy can help you connect with people on an emotional level to understand what they need and to create a safe space to support them. It allows you to connect with your emotions, your intuition, your creativity, and your sensuality which enables you to live an authentic life.
To harness the power of your “being” energy, you can meditate, spend time in nature, and take time for yourself. Taking time for yourself will help you recharge your own battery.
If you have too much “being” energy that it prevents you from moving forward, it is important that use this energy in an active and aligned way. You can start a creative project, journal, start walking regularly, and set boundaries so that you aren’t giving too much of yourself away.
The above are some short-term ways in which you can bring an imbalance into balance. These are quick solutions and can help provide you with some immediate relief.
Long-term balance required deeper work. It requires you to become aware of your subconscious thoughts that create the unconscious behaviors.
It requires you to get curious about the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up and why.
It requires radical acceptance of all parts of you, even those that you have been disconnected with or detached from for many, many years.
Long-term balance also requires taking aligned inner and outer action, only after you’ve taken the first three steps so that you are taking aligned strong from a strong foundation of wholeness.
Dancing with life
It was through my spiritual awakening in 2018 that I reconnected with my emotions and realized that I had been motivating myself to achieve more for the fear that I’d lose everything. What I didn’t realize was that the very thing that had helped me achieve so much “success” on paper was also the root of my suffering.
I decided to go back to my spiritual roots. I completed my Reiki master training, explored sound healing, Shamanism, and other nature and energy based practices, and reconnected with my own inner wisdom, my intuition. I decided to become a certified life coach and leave behind the career that I had built over almost 2 decades.
Through my education, training, experimentation and exploration, I learned all about our energy systems, energy imbalances, and how to bring them back into balance.
Today, I empower high-achievers on their transformational journeys to create authentic and inspired lives as unique as they are.
My private coaching combines transformational coaching, strategy, energy healing, intuition, and aligned action. We do the inner work first, so you can create your vision and take aligned action from a foundation of wholeness, strength, and courage.
If you are open to living an authentic, inspired life as unique as you are, let’s talk.
Stay curious, my friends!
Photo by Zachary Kadolph on Unsplash